Crelbow sneezes are for the weak. Here’s a list of ten much more productive places to send a sneeze this winter.
1) Into the face of another person - Germs are kind of like bees; they’ll leave you alone and latch onto another person if you shoo them in that direction.
2) Into your Popliteal Fossa – The back of the knee, as equally cave-ish as the crelbow, except further away from the face. And hey, if you can get down there in time without hurting yourself, why the heck not?
3) Into a folder – Simply file the sneeze away. Just make sure it’s labeled accordingly (e.g. Top Secret Germs) to deter people from accidentally opening it.
4) Into the box where you store your summer clothes – This way when you open the box in the spring, the sneeze will be so happy to see the sunlight, it won’t want to infect anyone (except with said happiness).
5) Into your laundry basket - It’s gonna get washed anyway, right?
6) Onto the sticky side of a piece of tape – Just think of it as ‘extra glue’. Note: Do not use this tape to wrap Christmas presents. No one wants vomiting and chest pain as a gift. However, if you happen to know where Osama Bin Laden is hiding, why not send some tape his way? Fighting germs and terrorism, now that’s a well placed sneeze!
7) Into a bottle of hand sanitizer – They instantly cancel each other out.
8) Into a balloon – Good. Now quickly fill it with helium and let it go. Ha! It’s God’s problem now!
9) Into a drawer – Only to be used as a receptacle in very desperate situations. Make sure you duct tape the drawer shut immediately after contamination, regardless of whatever necessary items (passport, insulin, etc.) that might be trapped inside.
10) Onto a pig – Make sure you yell “Take THAT swine!” right afterward to ensure a clear message.
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