This poster, hanging in my doctor's office, is particularly chilling to me, because I have stomach problems. So every time I go and visit Dr. Fitzsimons (or "Fitzy" as I call him), I pray that I won't end up in room 3, the one with the "Diseases of the Gastrointestinal System" poster.
P.S. the poster is brought you by Pariet (a drug I've been on before).
In other body related news...I went jeans shopping on a whim the other day. It was...unfortunate. I know I'm going to sound old here...but everything is super low cut, and I am not a fan of muffin top, which even though I only weight 130 lbs. apparently occurs every time I wear low slung jeans. I'm not looking for granny jeans, just a regular-ish rise. And I will not apologize for that.
And yet...
I went to Lucky Brand Jeans because I heard that they had a good selection. The young woman helping me was no help at all. She gave me a pair with a fly only an inch long, so, of course, muffin top ensued.
Me: Yeah...there's definate muffin top.
Girl: Yeah, but really? Muffin top goes away.
Me: Wha? How's that?
Girl: You have to remember that the jeans will stretch and then you can just belt them higher up.
Me: But then the jeans will be riding up my crotch!
Girl: (shrugs)
Me: Let me try another pair.
I try on another pair.
Girl: Those ones look hot.
Me: Yeah.......(huge muffin top)....no, they don't.
Girl: I know you don't believe me hon (this girl is about 6 years younger than me), but I've been doing in this business for two years and the muffin top will go away.
Me: (pissed) Well I've been in this body for 28 years, and unless I start starving myself? The muffin top isn't going anywhere in a pair of jeans like this.
She recommended I try Aritzia. Which I did. I was in the change room and just happened to glance at the price tag on one of the pairs. $230! I left. I........just can't spend $230 on jeans right now....or dare I say, EVER?! We're in a recession and I'm a fucking WRITER for crying out loud!
Next I went to Tristan, which is a little more grown-up. A flamboyant gay man "helped" me out, but I had the opposite problem here. All the jeans made me look like an old lady. Plus the flamboyant gay man kept calling me "dah-ling". It was unnerving.
Me: Can you think of any other place I can go to get jeans that don't cause muffin top?
Guy: I'd try Suzy Shier. They have these jeans up there that have a stretchy waist band (!)...
Me: (bewildered) Like, maternity pants?!
Guy: Yeah.... They're super comfy!
Needless to say, I did not go up to Suzy Shier. I checked out the Gap and Old Navy and found a few maybes, but by that time I was really tired and just wanted to go home and curl into a ball. But I didn't.
I went and got a smoothie.
And went outside and enjoyed the day.
And thought about the insides of my body, which were feeling pretty good, and less about the outside of my body.
P.s. I also took a picture of these really creepy mannequins at Old Navy. Apparently headless babies come from headless mommies.
2 Comments:
3 words: Mark's Work WearHouse.
It is not just for working fellas anymore. They have very hip and happening fashions for young ladies too. There is one attached to the Canadian Tire on Dundas near Yonge.
You can also get a pack of cloth hankies at the checkout. I'm serious.
Funny you should say that...I used to work at Mark's a loooonnnnng time ago (remember the one in Newmarket that was by the Arby's?)...I'll check them out Jon! Thanks!
p.s. Cloth hankies!? Crazy!