He Ain't Heavy, He's My Obama

With the election in the States garnering so much attention, it's hard to forget that we've got an election of our own going on. Yes, that's right, we have an ELECTION going on. We have to pick a leader for OUR country. And TODAY is our last day to vote! Because we like our elections like we like our Thanksgiving— a month before the American's.

Now, the all important question: Who to vote for? In the States it's easy, you're either a Democrat or a Republican. But here in Canada our political parties are numerous, from the hyper right Christian Historical Party to the mellow left Marijuana Party, or just plain ole Liberal or Conservative... or New Democrat, or, or, or.

Every party claims they're the best, THEY'RE the ones who will lower taxes, save the environment, contribute to health care, provide funding for education, create jobs, build more daycares, fix our roads, stick up for the working class, boost the economy, protect our babies from wild packs of dogs, hold our hands when times get rough, etc. etc. etc. So how do we decide who's telling the truth? Superficial analysis of course!



First up, our current conservative Prime Minister, Stephen Harper. Sure, we could talk about how Harper is all about reducing taxes and protecting the sovereignty of Canada's north, but wouldn't you rather know what instrument Mr. Harper knows how to play? The piano! If you also play piano, you should sooooooooo vote for Stephen Harper! Oh but one thing you should know, after this photo was taken, Harper froze this cat to death with his icy-cold eyes. But if you play piano AND hate cats you should definitely vote for him.




Liberal leader Stephane Dion (pictured above covering his face pre-vomit) is arguably Harper's direct competitor. You could vote for him because of his Green Shift plan (I would put a link here but the Liberal website doesn't seem to support my Mac) but wouldn't you rather vote for him because he has a dog named Kyoto? Or because he's an avid fisherman? Or perhaps he should get your vote because he can't tell the difference between his red Liberal road signs and the Green party's. That's right, he's colour blind. Or maybe he shouldn't get your vote because he's colour blind. He probably runs red lights all the time, burns right through school areas where there are children crossing, no doubt.



New Democrat leader Jack Layton is another choice to consider. Layton is concerned with the creation of new jobs and day care centers. But more importantly, he has a moustache. Can you trust it? There have been many well loved leaders with equally great lip covering. Like him or him. Oh, but then there's him and him, oh right, and himmmmm. Eeeeeeeeeee, I'm so conflicted! Is the moustache friend or foe?



Finally you have Green Party leader Elizabeth May, who is obviously focused on environmental and social issues. And yes, she's a woman, but that's no biggy, we've already had a female Prime Minister before (take that Hilary!). She's obviously smart because she wears glasses, but she's not hippy enough for my vote. If I'm going to vote Green I want a real dirty hippy for the job. Someone with a rope belt and a straw hat and wild unruly chest, neck and facial hair. That kind of dirty hippy would really stick it to the man! Mind you, I've never met May, so maybe she smells like patchouli in real life. That would be a big plus.


Anyway, there's a run down of your top choices. Either way, get out and vote today!

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