Okay, for those of you who don't know, I love frogs and toads (and giant squids too, for that matter). So much so that I have several pictures/figurines (YES, figurines) of frogs and toads around my office. This toad was given to me by my grandma and grandpa (one that I have loved since I was a kid) and as a joke a couple of months ago I started sending them letters from the various frogs (figurines) in my apartment, accompnaied by pictures much like this one featuring the frogs posed around Vancouver. In some of the letters the frogs talk about their jobs (working in a french restaurant), their ambitions (wanting to be movie stars) however this toad is a hypochondriac. Here is his letter.
Dear Trudy and George—
I am typing this letter on Kim’s computer as she is out and she doesn’t like it when I use her computer. She says I leave sticky frog-prints on the keys! I think that’s a very rude assumption for her to make, that it is me who leaves the sticky marks, especially when she sits and eats her breakfast and lunch in front of the keyboard all the time. Maybe it’s HER sticky fingers that are causing the problem.
But she isn’t all bad I suppose, she took me to the beach the other day, which was lovely, although I could have used some sunscreen as my skin is very sensitive. Halfway through the day I had to get Kim to roll me over onto my back and pour water on my belly because I was afraid I was dehydrating. I have several medical conditions that can easily be triggered by dehydration, as you know: severe eczema, chronic fatigue, irritable bowel disorder, just to name a few. Kim sighs when I talk about my conditions, sometimes she even laughs and I have to remind her that my conditions are very serious. When I say this she rolls her eyes and tells me to get a job like the rest of the frogs, even though she knows I am allergic to many things that prohibit me from seeking employment. I want to tell her, “by the way, I’m a toad, not a frog” but I’ve told her many times before and she just doesn’t listen.
I’ve also been dealing with problems with insomnia lately because I’m nervous about the trip back to Ontario. To be honest, Trudy and George, I am glad we’re moving back. Vancouver is too hectic for me. What with the teenagers yelling outside the windows, motorbikes blasting by, people laughing and talking at all hours of the night. RIGHT OUTSIDE as I’m trying to sleep (don’t they know I have insomnia?). I miss the quiet of your house.
I'm excited to see snow again. Maybe Kim and Ciaran will get an apartment in a quieter neighbourhood in Toronto? Oh, I hope so! Also, I hope to see you guys again...I miss you. Although even though Kim can be a pain in the bum, I still love her a lot. She even said I may ride in the car with her and Ciaran for the drive back to Ontario, instead of in the back with all the other frogs. I told her this was good news, as I am particularly sensitive to motion and have a tendency towards car sickness.
Anyway Trudy and George, I wish you well. I hope to see you soon and take care.
Yours Respectfully—
Toad
p.s. Please see the picture of me at the beach. Don’t I look dehydrated?
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